


have him without armour

by winter_hiems



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: But only as far as Inej's canon backstory, Canon Disabled Character, Don't copy to another site, F/M, First Kiss, Intimacy, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Tenderness, Touching, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_hiems/pseuds/winter_hiems
Summary: Whenever the Wraith returned to Ketterdam, she would immediately go to visit Dirtyhands in his rooms in the attic of the Slat.The Dregs each had their own theories of what was discussed during these meetings: heists, assassinations, political conspiracies. A few of the newer members of the Dregs suggested that the two of them spent their private time doing something decidedly more physically strenuous, but they were universally mocked by the older members. The idea of Kaz Brekker being locked in a passionate embrace with another human being was laughable.In a way, all these theories were right, and all these theories were wrong.(Or, how Kaz and Inej had their first kiss.)
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 9
Kudos: 218





	have him without armour

Whenever the Wraith returned to Ketterdam, she would immediately go to visit Dirtyhands in his rooms in the attic of the Slat. 

The Dregs each had their own theories of what was discussed during these meetings: heists, assassinations, political conspiracies. A few of the newer members of the Dregs suggested that the two of them spent their private time doing something decidedly more physically strenuous, but they were universally mocked by the older members. The idea of Kaz Brekker being locked in a passionate embrace with another human being was laughable. 

In a way, all these theories were right, and all these theories were wrong. 

Here is what happened whenever Inej Ghafa returned to Ketterdam. 

She’d step off the gangplank lightly, satchel over her shoulder, and waved goodbye to her parents. 

They’d taken to life at sea very easily. At first she’d wondered whether they’d be able to cope with the violence that was necessitated by Inej’s choice to hunt slavers, but they’d both wanted to stop any other parent from feeling what they had when they found that Inej was gone from their caravan, and their career as acrobats meant that they found their sea legs easily and were both quick in a fight. 

While Inej was gone, they’d be the ones who handed over the captured slavers to the Kerch authorities, along with proof of their captives’ crimes. At ninteen, Inej was still a little young to be handing over the prisoners herself, but everyone knew that she was the leader of the operation. 

In the meantime, she’d go to see Kaz. 

Her parents knew where she went. They even approved. As much as they knew of Kaz’s reputation as a black-hearted criminal, he was still the one who’d got their daughter out of the Menagerie and arranged their reunion. And he was scrupulously polite whenever he was with them. More than once, Inej had noticed her mother nodding approvingly at Kaz’s polished respect. 

She’d considered asking Kaz why he was so careful around them – after all, he’d made little attempt to curry favour with Colm Fahey – but she’d figured it out before she got around to asking him. Kaz wanted her parents to like him. He didn’t put on a whole other persona when he was with them; he was simply a very, very polite version of himself. 

The first time he’d called her father _Sir_ , she’d had to school her expression to avoid staring. 

So Inej waved goodbye to her parents, and headed to the Slat. Tomorrow she would go to visit Jesper and Wylan in their mansion on the Geldstraat, but her first day in Ketterdam was always for her and Kaz alone. 

Outside the Slat, an unfamiliar boy with sandy hair called out to her, “Oi, who’re you?” His Dregs tattoo was still fresh and raw on his forearm. 

“Shut up, Petey,” yelled someone from inside. “That’s the Wraith.” 

Petey swore, tugged his forelock at Inej, and moved aside so that she could slip in through the door. 

She climbed the staircase, knowing every creak of every floorboard, and at the top, Kaz was waiting for her. 

*

They talked. They pulled their chairs up next to each other and talked about heists and assassinations and political conspiracies. They talked about the number of slavers that Inej had taken down and how close Kaz was to bringing Pekka Rollins low (the Emerald Palace’s days were numbered), and which fights had been easy and which fights had been hard and how long Inej was planning to stay before her next voyage. 

And at some point during their long, long conversation, Kaz would slip off one of his gloves, sometimes both, and he’d reach out and hold Inej’s hand. 

On good days their fingers would slot together, and Inej would sometimes chance rubbing small circles into the back of Kaz’s hand with her thumb, brushing the scar on the back. On bad days, the most Kaz could manage was brushing his fingertips along Inej’s palm. He was always apologetic on those days, not verbally but in his manner. Kaz didn’t like disappointing her. 

Inej had said that she wanted him without armour, and so far, the gloves were the only piece that he could remove. But he did remove them. And during their talks, hand in hand, Inej knew that Kaz was giving her more of himself than he’d ever given anyone before. 

*

That day was the same as the dozen other times when she’d pulled into port, made her way through the Barrel, and climbed the stairs of the Slat. 

Like any other time, she greeted Kaz, he greeted her, and then they were sitting side by side and talking. 

Today was quite a good day for Kaz, she could tell; the weather was warm for spring, so his leg wasn’t troubling him as much as usual, and he’d managed to put both his hands in hers, their fingers interlinked. 

They were yet to put a label on exactly what they had together, but they certainly had something. 

“I have something for you,” Kaz said in his stone-scraping-over-stone voice. He slipped his hand into a pocket and pulled out a knife. He hadn’t bothered with wrapping or a bow because, as he’d told her before, he saw no point in wrapping gifts. 

The knife was small, with a wickedly sharp blade and a neat handle of polished ebony. 

“Thank you, Kaz. It’s beautiful.” 

“Do you have a name for it? And what will you do when you run out of Saints?” 

“Grigori. And when I run out of Saints, I’ll think of something else.” 

“Of course you will.” 

He watched her slip the knife up her sleeve. With that done, she held out one hand, palm up. An invitation for Kaz to take her hand again, if he felt up to it. 

He placed his hand in hers lightly, not really committing. He was frowning, a familiar frown, the frown of Kaz about to make a calculated risk. 

“Kaz, what –” 

“Could you do something for me, Inej?” 

“That depends on what.” 

He swallowed. Why was he so nervous? “Stay still. Just for half a minute, stay still,” he rasped. “Though you are allowed to push me away, of course,” he amended. 

“…All right.” 

She didn’t know what to expect until he started leaning in, and then there were a few seconds of heart-stopping anticipation before his lips were brushing hers. He kissed her with his eyes open. 

For most people, it would barely count as a kiss; just a touch, a slight press of skin on skin. 

And then Kaz pulled away, let go of her hand, stood, braced both hands against his desk, head down, doing his best to control his breathing. 

Inej couldn’t keep the wonder out of her voice. “Kaz, that was…” 

“Not very good, probably.” The typical Kaz pragmatism was returning, his shields going back up. “I didn’t expect to be an expert, my first time.” 

Inej thought of the hundreds of kisses that had been forced on her at the Menagerie. Each and every one of them had tasted of degradation, but Kaz’s kiss had been like a brief rush of cool air after months trapped in the dark. “I think I’d like to count that as my first kiss, too,” she told him. 

“Inej… that may be the most I can ever give you.” 

“I know.” It hurt to say it. 

“I want to give you more. I want to give you everything.” He frowned. “You deserve more than I can give you. Another man would be able to give more.” He clenched his jaw and stood up straight. “Any man, really. I mean, it took me two years to be able to kiss you on the mouth.” 

Inej knew that he wasn’t saying she should go find another man. What he meant was that he had a weakness that nobody else had, something that would likely dog his steps for the rest of his life, and Kaz Brekker hated to be weak. 

She went to stand by him, their shoulders just brushing. Almost imperceptibly, he leaned towards her. They were both wearing long sleeves, so there was little chance of triggering any panic in Kaz, and over the years it had become the easiest way for them to be intimate on days when Kaz couldn’t bear to be touched skin-on-skin. 

It was a way of saying that she was there for him and beside him, even if they couldn’t touch. 

*

“Perhaps,” said Kaz, his voice barely above a whisper “We could try that again. Sometime before you leave Ketterdam. It won’t be easy, but I want to try again.” 

“I’d like that,” Inej replied softly.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always welcome <3
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. The characters are owned by Leigh Bardugo. I am not profiting financially from this story.


End file.
